Terrible Hairy Fly

Male. Hairy, because he's too nasty looking to be fluffy.

This little abomination is not something you'd want to see frantically trying to crawl out of your bath. Thankfully they live in a tiny habitat more terrible than even the most terrible of teenage bedrooms. I think so, anyway. Even though the Guinness Book of Records has a lot of weird stuff, it turns out they don't have a 'terrible teenage bedroom' record. So I can't be completely sure.

The Terrible Hairy Fly is small at some 1 cm (0.4 in) long, so you'll need to take a really close look before you can know whether or not you'll regret taking a really close look. What at first appears to be a small spider is revealed to be an odd looking true fly. It has tiny eyes, incredibly hairy, long legs and tiny, hairy wings that are entirely useless. This is a fly that can't fly! (A walk)

pleiocarpa

We've actually seen such a thing before, with some of the blood sucking louse flies. The Terrible Hairy Fly could be a relative, but it's in its own family. Alone. Like that guy in the basement you feed fish heads to. Oh, sorry! Was that supposed to be a family secret?

The Terrible Hairy Fly is hidden away from prying eyes and is scarcely ever seen at all. Just like your basement man! They've only been spotted three times, in 1933, 1948 and 2010. 

Another similarity is that they live in truly abominable circumstances that offer them only the most despicable mockery of a life. They have been found in just a single crevice in a single rock in a single mountain in Kenya. It's right near a bat's roost. Thus, they have an intimate understanding of the festering ways of guano.

CBS

The larvae of these flies have been found squirming through the bat guano and it probably provides them with all the food they need to cling to life with morbid, heart-rending determination. Adults are thought to feed on bodily secretions of the bats. There's not much for a young maggot to aspire to these days.

Female. Leggy blonde. GSOH.

Still, love always finds a way. Female Terrible Hairy Flies are slightly smaller and a lot less hairy than the males. As with humans, this appears to be enough to start the wheels of sexual attraction turning.

So. Are you prepared? Prepared for when the neighbour's basement lady comes round, looking slightly less hairy than your basement man? You know it'll happen sooner or later.