Swim, Scallop! Swim!

Video: benthiccanada

Clap those crazy, crinkly-crisp lips like a fast forward Pac-Man in armour plate.

This guy just can't wait for 2014! Poor fellow ought to relax. He's tiring himself out.

JAWS: Cuttlefish

Video: Alan McLennan

It happens to us all, doesn't it?

You've been eyeing that gigantic package under the Christmas tree for days, wondering what it might be and whether the biohazard warnings on the gift wrapping are decorative or not.

Finally the day comes. You tear the wrapping paper to shreds. You climb a step ladder and carefully ease open the cardboard box within, just in case your mysterious present turns out to be something rubbish like a giant teddy bear you'll have to pack up and sell.

But it's not a teddy bear. You gaze in wonder and your gaping mouth slowly assumes a smile as you begin to believe your eyes. Glory of glories. Can it really be?

A build-your-own secret, supervillain lair?

You look in amazement at the parts. The dungeons, deathtraps, vanity throne, wine bar with significantly more skulls and cages than strictly necessary... There are even signed contracts with catering and cleaning firms and one with a man called Caedis Khan who promises 3,000 live-in mercenaries from the NEX clan. You need only phone him up when their beds are ready.

You wipe the drool from your mouth, pick up a mighty wrench and wonder where to start. You don't bother looking at the instructions because people who look at instructions don't have supervillain lairs.

You were so excited. Your eyes were filled with death-rays and big, red death-buttons that glow in the dark. Your mind was filled with acts of super-villainy and an outrageous costume that was clearly evil but also glowed in the dark.

So you didn't stand a chance when a pair of tentacles shot out of the Christmas tree, grabbed hold of you and pulled you into its darkness. You didn't even have time to be surprised.

Such a shame. With a little more time, once you finished your secret, supervillain lair, that Christmas tree could have made for a great minion.

Huh?

Image: EricksonSmith

Can't talk. Eating.

Merry Christmas!

Original image: Steve Childs

Nothing says Christmas like a grumpy Frogfish sitting around on his leg-fins, face cleaved by a magisterial frown while apathetic eyes BULGE with the sheer power of indifference. It's the very picture of festive merriment! And of course, his belly is so big he can almost eat himself so you won't have to suffer through a week of cold Christmas turkey.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Indrella ampulla

Image: L. Shyamal

It's Santa Snail!

Flame Scallop

Image: Tony Shih
Lima scabra

The sea, the sea, the sea is on fire!
We don't need no water 'cos... where would we put it?

The Trees Have Beards

Image: Richard Droker

Just in time for Christmas... free beards for all! They grow on trees, you know.

Red-spotted Guard Crab

Image: Mark Rosenstein
Trapezia tigrina

Don't mess with the Red-spotted Guard Crab. You might catch something.

Sea Moth

Image: Klaus Steifel

This titchy fish is built like a TANK! It also comes armed with bat wings, wee little legs and a nose like the gun on a TANK!

Arums of Abhorrence

Image: sarah faulwetter

Good, ol' Arums! They're always there for you. What tropical bouquet would be complete without a few shiny Anthuriums bringing their deep red and pink colours to the mix? And if you want something more subdued and chaste then you need look no further than the beautiful arum lily. There's an arum for every occasion!

The Arum family is not famed for its Wolffia Duckweeds, the smallest flowering plants in the world, but they're exceedingly famous for containing the Titan Arum. That monstrosity can reach 3 metres (10 feet) tall but, as we have already learned, its close relatives are no less eye-catching for their smaller size!

Did you know that the arum lily is native to south Africa and is known as varkoor in Afrikaans? It translates to "pig's ear". So lets take a look at some more arums that make a pig's ear of it!

Osmylid

Image: Kristi

Tut, tut. What an awful display of opulence! I've seen silver and pearl necklaces for pet pooches, but gold for your Osmylid? That's too much!

Florida Worm Lizard

Image: Mary Keim
Rhineura floridana

It's a worm but it's a lizard but it's a worm!

Vietnamese Mossy Frog

Image: Loïc Denès
Theloderma corticale

Camouflage is great. Sure, you have your poison. That's cool. Threat displays are good. Running really fast is nice if you're into that sort of thing. But camouflage? Sitting there doing nothing, watching the world go by like you're enjoying a contemplative day at a cafe because an honest day's work may be the death of you? That, ladies and gentlemen, is the life of a king.