The FLOOZY, For Men

Image: NOAA Okeanos Explorer Program

Barely anyone talks about the so-called "financial crisis" any more. You know what that means, don't you? It's time to spend all your money.

Rococo is back. Enormous skirts, frilly sleeves, bright pastel colours and floral patterns fill the boutiques. Recent advances in engineering and chemistry allow hairstyles to attain previously unheard of heights. Never before have women been so eye-catching or taken up quite so much physical space. The construction industry is booming as old buildings are torn down to make way for new developments with the wide doors and high ceilings fashion demands.

But why should women have all the fun?

Introducing the FLOOZY, the essential fashion accessory for men of distinction.

The FLOOZY is our highest quality siphonophore yet, imported direct from the deep sea. Our unique blend of nectophores, gonozooids and gastrozooids provides a light, bouncy contrast to formal dress, or a playful focal point when you just want to have fun.

And you should see it swish on the dance floor!

"I've never felt so confident and sexy in my life", says Gerald, 34. "My wife says I'm not the man she married. Good! I say. She just stares at me and my FLOOZY."

Go on. Grab a FLOOZY.